#3:12am #tired #stupidsleepschedule #insomnia #bipolar #depression #cuddlebuddy #simba #medication

I really hate this messed up sleeping schedule I have! I have insomnia which already makes it hard for me to sleep, but also my medication messes with my sleep. The medication I take for my bipolar, depression and pain makes me sleep at different hours of the day. I hate my medication because it messes with my whole day I miss phone calls, people ask me questions and I answer them in my sleep, I miss appointments, and I miss when my kids come home. The only good thing about sleeping is my cuddle buddy our cat. He is my best cuddle buddy ever!

I’m going to get back to my forever being awake and the rest of my early morning! So hope my day goes better than my night!

With love Melissa

#badday #pain #anger #fighting #bipolar #depression

Today is a bad day! I am in so much pain right now and I’m really struggling with not going to the hospital. I hate being in pain all the time and being in pain really messes with my bipolar disorder and my depression. How it messes with my bipolar disorder is I want to go out and spend money and steal things. Then it messes with my depression by not making me want to get out of bed at all. With all that going on my husband and I are once again fight over something stupid. All I asked was if he could give me a ride to take in our daughters prescription. I’m so tired of fighting with him and I don’t know how to make it better because everything makes him mad.

All that aside I hope my day gets better and I hope that I stay away from the hospital. I will do everything in my power to stay away.

With love Melissa

#mothersday #betterday #bipolar #depression #anxiety

Today has been one of my better days in a long time! My husband and my kids got me some amazing Mother’s Day presents and I have spent an relaxing and peaceful day at home. The only thing that has been missing from today is my mother and my husband, my mother lives far away and my husband has to work. My kids have been really sweet all day my oldest has been doing some secret baking and keeping us out of the kitchen, my second oldest has been listening really good, and my son has been keeping to himself. My grand fur baby has been cuddling with me all day too besides the fact that he has been trying to eat my flowers.

My bipolar disorder has been under control more than normal today which has been a nice change for once. As that is good today I am not as depressed as I normally am which is the best thing ever. Today has been an amazing day and I can’t be more thankful and blessed than I am right in this very moment.

With love Melissa

#mothersday #missingmymom

Well today is mother’s day and unfortunately my husband has to work. Also I yet again don’t get to see my mother as she lives by Sacramento. I miss her so much and I am going to see her next weekend, but I wish it was this weekend. I will be spending mothers day with my kids and my mother in law, my favorite 4 people other than my husband and my mommy. Plus I will also be spending time with my furbaby Simba he is my grandson.

I really have a blessed life I’m just missing a few people from my life! I hope all the mother’s in my life have an amazing and blessed day!

With love Melissa

#4:27am #teamnosleep #bipolar #depression

Well here it is 4:27 am and I’m freaking awake again! I really hate my messed up sleeping schedule, due to the medication I take I sleep at all hours of the day. If I don’t take my medication then my pain, bipolar disorder, depression and anxiety disorder are all out of wack. I just wanna wake up one day and not have to take any medication and not have any disorder that I have to deal with on a daily basis. If it wasn’t for our cat I would be alone every morning while everyone is peacefully sleeping.

The past few weeks has been a real struggle with my bipolar disorder, depression, and anxiety. I have been spending money we don’t have, engaging in reckless behavior and spending a lot of time in bed. On a daily basis I don’t wanna getup and do anything because I know I will do something reckless or spend money I don’t have. I just want things to be different!

With love Melissa

#badday #fighting #anger #depression #bipolar

Today has been a bad day! All day it has been a struggle to want to do anything witch has led to my husband and I fighting all day. Normally we do not fight at all but as my bipolar type 1 disorder gets worse it seems like all we do is fight. The unfortunate things is the more we fight the more my depression gets worse and the more strained our relationship gets. I love my husband so much and every time we fight it just kills me and breaks my heart. I think that the reason I get so offended is because of my bipolar disorder. I wish I could just get up everyday and be normal but unfortunately I was cursed with mental health issues.

I don’t understand how my husband can fight with someone one minute and be ok with them the next. Although he maybe ok he can still make you feel like your the worse person in the world. I would do anything to make our relationship better than it is.

I hope tomorrow is better than today was and hopefully our relationship can take this bump that we’re going through!

With love Melissa

#morning #ugh #bipolar #anxiety #depression

UGH! As the morning has come yet again and I wish I was still asleep. The past week has really been hard, my depression has been really kicking my ass! My depression keeps telling me to stay in bed and not do anything. I still get up and do my mommy duties and then right after that I go right back to bed, unless I have a doctors appointment then I get up and stay up. I don’t know why I having such a hard time right now, all I want is to be able to get up and function and be a normal adult.

I have spent all night crying in my room while my husband slept next to me I surprised I didn’t wake up. What I am going to work on today is trying to get out of this funk.

With love Melissa